Special Guest Star: Mark

We don’t watch television shows. None of the popular serials have produced press or teasers interesting enough to encourage us to tune in---save Ugly Betty, a great soap opera spoof. However, we have formed a bit of a dependence on travel shows.

I don’t necessarily plan lunch around Passport to Europe, but my daily salad and I have toured quite a few great continental capitols with Samantha Brown. My husband’s arrival home from work coincides with Globetrekker and he decompresses with the antics of host Ian while he learns tidbits about another land (Friday we visit former soviet territory Georgia).

So when friend and former neighbor, Mark, delighted us with the news that he planned a visit to St. Croix, we consulted all the published guides (local and national) and questioned long-time residents on events, happenings, activities and cuisine in order to offer a bounty of touring opportunities.

In homage to the travel guide, be it television host, book or website, here’s an overview of “Curious Mark Goes to St. Croix” (Mark’s title, sorry we can’t take credit for this witticism).

Photo Op: Meet Mark, seen here gripping a Carib and sporting a ring from IB Designs. This photo taken at Mt. Victory Camp in the rainforest just before Mark joined a drum circle. While at Camp, he took a number of photos that showcased the lush beauty of the surroundings and an oddly symmetrical rust stain in the men’s toilet.

Where Mark Stayed: Mark’s accommodations consisted of posh quarters on a Robert Trent Jones golf course (our guest room in the rental condo). Never mind that we don’t golf. Never mind that our cat and dog, Chuck and Gus, the wonder pets duo refused to stay out of the guest room and more than once jumped in the guest’s bed. The beautiful mountain views and stellar company make up for any pet hair in one’s personal belongings.

What Mark Did: St. Croix is 84 square miles and while Mark didn’t visit every square inch, he did see all corners and set foot on all shores—north, south, east and west. On St. Croix direction is significant in that geography changes with the compass.

West-side:

Mark hiked the scenic road both east and west of Paradise road gazing grand vistas and making his way as high as he could up Mount Eagle.

Mark wondered unencumbered and free of charge among the ruins of a 1700s era plantation, Estate Mt. Washington. (Once we called and found it, that is. Frommer’s you printed a big error in your guide book. The plantation is northwest NOT southeast of Frederiksted.)

Mark toured tiny Frederiksted, photographed local architecture, and noticed some Rasta ogling me and attempting to woo whilst bicycling while I remained completely oblivious.

Mark gathered sea glass on Sprat Hall and Rainbow beaches, which he pronounced one of the most beautiful stretches of beach he’d seen in person. He then took in the famous west-end sunset with a Carib and lime.

Mark took a turn at life in the left-lane as he drove the Mahogany Road through the rainforest. Rainforest stops included the Domino Club (home of the beer drinking pigs that could be smelled but not seen) and Mt. Victory Camp, an eco-camp. While there he debuted on drum with Olu’s drum circle and did himself proud. View drumming

South-shore:

Stood on the edge of the pristine beaches of the Sandy Point nature preserve and thanks to Frommer’s got an inpromtu tour of the southwest corner of the island. Viewed the long stretch of beach at Ha’Penny Bay the beach nearest what will be out new island home.

East-end:

In the arid desert-like climate of the east-end, Mark stood on the wall at Point Udall, the easternmost point in the United States, stoic against the great sea boundless until it meets the shores of Africa. He photographed the astronomical mapping satellite and Buck Island as we began our own east-end pub crawl that ended at the historic Buccaneer Hotel. At the locally owned first resort on island, we were seated at the bar due to the lack of collarless shirts, where Mark befriended the bar patrons and staff and munched on an enormous and tasty plate of calamari.

North-shore:

Mark dove with the Caribbean Sea creatures in a scuba lesson at Cane Bay. He patroned most all of the north-shore establishments even braving Bogey’s (recently robbed in a brazen wild-west style shoot out where no one was seriously hurt) to view the churning sea crashing on the coral rock outcropping below.

Where Mark Shopped:

Mark found most of his souvenirs in the capitol city of Christiansted where he purchased locally and regionally made merchandise. In addition, like any good tourist from a highly-taxed metropolitan city, he stocked up on duty-free cigarettes and alcohol (including locally made Cruzan Rum) at Plaza supermarket (west-side).

Where Mark Dined:

Eager to take in local culture, Mark lunched with the chickens at the Latin short-order stand, the Luncheria in Christiansted. He lunched on the chickens at the La Reine Chicken Shack, a.k.a. “the Dirty Chicken” where the $5 half roasted chicken with Johnny cakes is second to none. The Chicken Shack’s roasted chicken is an unbelievably mouth watering a culinary feat locals chalk up to the dirt-floor, open-air roasting room.

At Villa Morales, Mark dined on roast goat with seasoned rice and pigeon peas, mac and cheese and their special mojito.

While dining at Junie’s Bar on buttered conch with provision, Mark was treated to more local culture than he bargained for by a woman at the bar wearing see-through pants and G-string. An off-duty dancer from De Playground? We’ll never know and due to poor lighting his attempts to photograph her were in vain.

What Mark Drank:

St. Croix’s local spirit is Cruzan Rum. Mark enjoyed a Dark and Stormy made in our kitchen and several rum punches concocted at various local establishments. And the winner of the rum punch challenge—the original rum runner at Rum Runner’s. Five dollars and worth every penny. Don’t be put off by the black strap float—that’s just extra flavor and extra proof, honey.

The U.S. Virgin Islands does have a beer brewed on St. John that is a darn good beer; however, we didn’t purchase any. Instead, Mark sampled the following regional brews: Presidente from the Dominican Republic, Carib from Puerto Rico, Red Stripe (the famous Jamaican brew which is also a slang term for Jamaican cops). In addition he enjoyed non import (read not watered down) beers, Heineken and Elephant. At $2 and $3 dollars a bottle, duty-free does make a difference.

Mark’s Highlights/Conclusion:

Consider this the last 30 seconds and rolling credits of our travel show, that or the obvious that Mark is far more succinct than I. For more Crucian experiences tune in next week.

Mark’s Favs:

• drumming at Mt. Victory
• diving at Cane Bay
• hiking the scenic drive
• exploring Christiansted and Frederiksted
• sunset beers at Sprat Hall Beach
• east end pub crawl at Duggans, Deep End, and Buccaneer (excepting the cacklers at Deep End)
• eating roast goat at Villa Morales
• eating conch and fungi at Junie's (bonus: that girl in that outfit - WTF?!)
• eating 1/2 chicken and two johhnycakes at La Reine
• successfully keeping my shoulder on the shoulder